Before Understanding
by anonymous-lemonade
Summary: In the middle of a snowstorm, a wedding ceremony between two unlikely beings begins. One-shot.


**Title**: Lost In Heaven _  
**Pairings**: Alice/Jasper  
**Genre**: Romance / General  
**Summary**: Jasper and Alice's wedding day is filled with lots of... tension.  
**Author's Notes**: Forgive me if my Jasper is a bit different from what most people perceive him to be. My interpretation of Jasper is a bit more... interesting. Well, to me at least. I hope that you won't be frazzled by his personality traits. Other than that though, please enjoy.  
**Disclaimer**: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own... so you don't sue._

_Sometimes you can know before understanding- T.S. Eliot_

The sunlight was not something that they feared; mere myths to the great mysteries of the realities of such assumptions. No, it was more of a _preference _not to let the warm rays wash over their frigid bodies. Thus, it was only ideal that the wedding were to take place during a snowstorm in the middle of December. Gray skies and a whirlwind of white flakes wallflower against the white tapestry that hung gracefully along the edges of the greenhouse that Esme more than gladly bestowed to the couple for the ceremony. The usual neat rows of greenery sprinkled with an array of beautiful flowers were now pushed up against the sides of the greenhouse giving off the impression that the veil of roses, orchids, daisies, and anemones grew out from the glass walls. A handful of white chairs sat impishly in two rows near the sides of the "ceremonial hall", gapping a makeshift (velvet covered) aisle that ran down the center of the greenhouse and out the glass door. The minister, in his prim robe and a look of much displeasure, commented profusely that it was considered bad luck for a couple to be married under such conditions but with the patient soothings of Esme, he went on with the proceedings with lingering doubts plaguing his mind.

"The only person with any ounce of bad luck would probably be the minister himself. " Emmett muttered under his breath to his brother Edward, who looked blasé if not a little dejected, his mind free to wonder of the next section to Esme's song that he recently started composing for her. Still, he did have to agree with the taller man in that the minister truly has found himself in a very unprecedented situation. Edward mused to himself of what the religious man would think if he knew who- no, _what_ exactly he was aiding into an existence of "holy matrimony". Surely he would faint within seconds of comprehension and then revive himself before running for his life. Literally.

"I suppose he should be thanking his lucky stars then that we've given up that way of life." The silky response came from Tanya, who sat next to Edward, with her sisters on her left. The family from Alaska were the only other non-human-blood-drinking-vampire-family that the Cullens knew of were more than pleased to invite them to this little gathering. "Although..." she said off-handedly.

Emmett's eyes grew cautious as he snapped his head to face the woman who spoke of such foreboding implications.

"It's okay, Em. Tanya was merely making an observation about the groom. He seems... tense."

Tense was not extreme enough of a state of being for Jasper Hale. He had been practicing for weeks for this day. A promise that he had made to his fiance burned in his mind like a hand full of fire hot coals; control, control, control. Jasper was one who was use to living by his instincts; curbing his innate tendencies was not something he had foreseen to be part of the package deal when he vowed to be by Alice's side for all of eternity. Some interesting complications and perhaps a bit of traveling, yes, but not giving up his way of life so abruptly. It was like asking a fish to swim upstream and against powerful currents year around; after awhile one should have been strong enough to fight against the crashing waters. Yet the upstream battle was far from over for him as he stood at the alter presently, trembling with fear. The minister must have passed off his slightly shaking form as nervousness, as he shot an understanding smile towards the blond haired groom, but his family knew otherwise. They knew that, in a heartbeat, Jasper can tackle the minister to the floor, break his fat neck (paralyzing him) before the blond vampire feasted on the pulsing blood that ran through his veins until the body was spent into nothing more than a limp bag of bones and shriveled organs. But he held himself in check. He could not possibly ruin this special day for the girl who will soon be walking down the aisle. A lifetime of disappointment and loneliness was not something he wanted to experience again, thus now, he stood. Waiting. Thankfully the snowstorm forced the doors of the greenhouse to stay closed, minimizing the movement of air. "_Besides_," he thought to himself, "_Alice would be very cross if I ruined this white suit. Blood would be such a pain to wash out of silk without damaging the material_."

Jasper noticed at that moment that Edward stood up and muttered under his breath, "That's my cue." The seventeen-year-old looking vampire walked gracefully at human speed towards the grand piano at the far end of the greenhouse and before anyone could wonder how he knew that the ceremony was about to begin the door swung open at that moment allowing a gush of fresh, bitter cold air whip it's way in through the greenhouse revealing a the bride, arm in arm with her adopted father. Alice was white from head to toe, her dress was something out of a fairy tale. Her usual spiky black hair was swept up and held with what must have been 500 miniature bobby-pins. Atop her head, the head piece's snowflakes and white roses formed into a silver tiara holding the sheer, transparent veil over her lithe face. Carlise, by her side, smiled gently as the wedding march began to play, his eyes radiating approval and pure happiness.

The moments it took to cross the burgundy colored velvet to the alter seemed like eons instead of minutes. Jasper, for the life of him, could not seem to tear his eyes from Alice who walked with such grace and poise, it seemed as though she was floating rather than stepping to the music. Finally, making it to the end of the short journey from the door, Alice turned to hug Carlise and giggled as he kissed her forehead before he walked over to take his place beside Esme. Alice then turned towards Jasper and took his arm to walk the last few steps before noticing that he minister's teeth were chattering from the constant flow of frozen breeze that filtered in from the open door. "_Could you please get the door Edward. We can't have the minister pass out before he says, 'Now I pronounce you' can we_?" Alice quietly thought aloud in her mind, hoping Edward was paying attention. In an instant, making sure no one would notice the very quick falter in the song as he speed to the door to softly shut it close. And in a heartbeat, he was back in the piano chair to end the wedding march with a dramatic finish.

The greenhouse was silent. The only thing that was loud enough to hear was the howling scratches of the wind and the wet, beating heart of the minister. Before, the silence could stretch any longer, the holy man spoke, "Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to witness the joining of these two souls. Your vows please, Miss Cullen."

Alice turned first to Jasper and then recited her short speech she wrote weeks ago. "So this mysterious journey has finally begun. It's no surprise that hills and desert valleys litter this god forsaken road. So many say that death and love are so much like a journey but I see these cracks in the dust crusted earth and think of the sea. I think of mirages of water that cleanse my soul and deplete gravity as I am washed away on the waves of contentment." Alice stopped for a second trying to compose herself as a wave of emotion shook her tiny form. Closing her eyes, as the intense look from Jasper was erasing all rational thought from her mind. She willed herself to concentrate as she refused to ruin her perfect day because she was becoming tongue tied by the sight of her husband-to-be. Taking in a deep ragged breath, she continued, "What have I fallen in love with? The idea of love, the act of love? Or in the illusion that love is not truly an illusion. A love that rips hearts out and that scream with warm tears in the cold pouring rain. A love that wipes out the existence of reality. Yes, I would gladly vow to walk this tainted road with you. But I shall forewarn you, Jasper Whitlock, that an eternity would not be long enough for us. Of that I am sure." Her eyes began to sting from the tears that would not leak from her molten gold colored eyes.

His intense gaze did not diminish as the minister asked for his vows. He, though, did not take a breath before he began to recite his declaration of love, for he did not want his resolve to break now when the wedding was nearly through. A few minutes without breathing was surely to be worth all the struggles if he were rewarded with a smile from his bride.

"_Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond  
__any experience, your eyes have their silence:  
__in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,  
__or which I cannot touch because they are too near  
__  
your slightest look easily will unclose my  
__though I have closed myself as fingers,  
__you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens  
__(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose  
__  
or if your wish be to close me, I and  
__my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,  
__as when the heart of this flower imagines  
__the snow carefully everywhere descending;  
__nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals  
__the power of your intense fragility: whose texture  
__compels me with the colour of its countries,  
__rendering death and forever with each breathing_

_(I do no know what it is about you that closes  
__and opens; only something in me understands  
__the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)  
__nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands..._

E.E. Cummings 1931. This is my vow to you... I don't understand but I just know. I know that eternity would never hold enough time to satisfy my unconditional and undying love for you, Alice Cullen."

Nothing surprised Alice Cullen but this did. It wasn't possible that Jasper would have figured out that she would, in the weeks to come, begin to collect Cummings' poetry. She had the vision only this morning and she hadn't even told Rosalie who was with her; she had brushed it off as nothing more than an irrelevant premonition. How did he ever figure out that she would come to love this particular poet? And then the realization hit her.

She would start to love him _because_ of Jasper. It would be because _he_ introduced the poet to her at this very moment that she would fall head over 5 inch stilettos heels in love Cummings' poetry. Alice took a quick breath as a ardent bubble began to warm her from the inside out as the minister began to speak of all the holy bindings that this ceremony would entitle and then when the moment came and the rings were exchanged, Alice felt her knees grow weak as Jaspers soft lips melted into hers. Butterflies began to flutter about deliriously in her stomach as she let loose her unchecked desire upon the tall man.

It was Emmett's cat calls and the Denali sister's giggling that force her apart from Jasper's warm body. Turning to glare at her big brother, Alice stuck out her tongue at him before turning back to the minister just in time to hear, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Congratulations."

And with that, the start of long and happy eternity began for Jasper and Alice Cullen Whitlock.

_**Word Count**: 1970  
__**Date**: 01/08/09_

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